


Tired and Gay

by YinYangZodiac



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Disappointment, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Funny, Group chat, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru Friendship, Iwaizumi Hajime Being an Idiot, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Long-Suffering Sawamura Daichi, M/M, Nightmares, No Plot/Plotless, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Bokuto Koutarou, Pining Hinata Shouyou, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining Kuroo Tetsurou, Stupidity, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YinYangZodiac/pseuds/YinYangZodiac
Summary: #1slut: what's up slutasluthandler: Choke#1slut: only y if you do it to meesluthandler: I think I just threw up in my mouthsluttymom: what in tarnation
Relationships: Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. Welcome To The Chat

**Author's Note:**

> I will probably change the title later on.
> 
> Usernames:  
> #1slut: Oikawa  
> sluthandler: Iwaizumi  
> thing1: Matsukawa  
> thing 2: Hanamaki  
> Kill me: Yahaba  
> BEAST: Kyoutani  
> Dadchi: Daichi  
> sluttymom: Sugawara  
> Anxiety Prime: Asahi  
> thunder: Nishinoya  
> Dudesive: Tanaka  
> 2tired4this: Ennoshita  
> Slut in training: Kageyama  
> Crow Baby: Hinata  
> tallnsalty: Tsukishima  
> Frickle: Yamaguchi  
> tolslut: Kuroo  
> smolslut: Kenma  
> Mommy: Yaku  
> 2tol: Lev  
> Slutty: Bokuto  
> Why me: Akaashi

_7:46 PM_

**#1slutt added sluthandler, thing1, thing 2 and 18 others to the chat.**

**#1slut has named the chat _slut shop_.**

#1slut: what's up sluta

sluthandler: Choke

#1slut: only y if you do it to mee

sluthandler: I think I just threw up in my mouth

sluttymom: what in tarnation

thing1: oh, I like him

thing 2: can we kep him?

Dadchi: Fucking please

Anxiety Prime: DAICHI

Anxiety Prime: YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

Dadchi: I would give Koushi awaybfor a singular corn chip

thunder: arent u dating him?

Dadchi: Fuck

sluttymom: that's right bitch

sluttymom: you're stuck with me

sluttymom: FOREVER

Dudesive: lmao

thunder: bro

Dudesive: bro

2tired4this: Shut fuck the up

Frickle: Shut fuck the up

tallnsalty: shut fuck the up

Slut in training: Shut fuck the up

2tired4this: Die

Dudesive: he just woke up from his nam

thunder: nap*

Dudesive: thanks bro

thunder: always bro

thing 2: why dont you ever do that 4 me Matt

thing1: u dont deserve it

thing 2: this marriage is over & om taking tje kids

thing1: jokes on you, I already gave iwaizumi custody

thing 2: U GABE MY KIDS AWAY?!

thing1: I didnt want them

thing 2: GIVE ME MY CHILDREN BACK IWA

sluthandler: I sold them for two corn chips

thing1: kyoutani and yahaba each costednone?

sluthandler: Yahaba was worth two. I just threw Kyoutani in for free

BEAST: honestly chokr 

Dadchi: I will give you Sugawara to replace your children

thing 2: what do you want in return?

Dadchi: Iwaizumi

#1slut: HELL NO

sluthandler: Fucking deal

Crow Baby: JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

Anxiety Prime: Stop

Dudesive: it works here 2

thunder: lmfao

2tired4this: Goddammit

2tired4this: GO TO SLEEP

Slut in training: it's only 8

2tired4this: Exactly.

tallnsalty: someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

tolslut: look whos talkin

2tired4this: Die

smolslut: Kuroo

smolslut: Did you change my username agaim

tolslut: I plead the 5th

Mommy: THIS ISNT AMERICA

2tol: Lmao

Slutty: Bro

tolslut: bro

Slutty: Bro

tolslut: bro

Why me: Choke

Kill me: Can I trade Oikawa for Sugawara instead, Daichi?

Dadchi: Hell no

Daichi: That one has diseases

Kill me: I was hoping you hadn't noticed

#1slut: honestly choke

BEAST: don't take my line slut

#1slut: then respect me

BEAST: then give me something to respect

#1slut: :O

sluthandler: oh snap

Kill me: HAHAHAHA

thing1: oh

thing 2: shit

Crow Baby: The Grand King has been dethroned

Slut in training: fucking finally

#1slut: :O

#1slut: Tobio-chan

#1slut: I gave you all my best slut clothea

Slut in training: oh yeah

Slut in training: give him his throne back

BEAST: honestly choke

#1slut: :O

Slut in training: :O

sluttymom: drag tjem

Anxiety Prime: Where have you been

sluttymom: gettin dick

Frickle: GASP

tallnsalty: DADCHI

Dadchi: I was not the one who gave him dick

Dudesive: bro

thunder: bro?

Dudesive: I know who ead giving Suga dick

thunder: who

Dudesive: (Daichi)

thunder: he said he didnt

Dudesive: thays exactly wht he woud say of he didit

thunder: oooh shit

Dadchi: It really wasn't me

sluttymom: Im no snitch

2tired4this: He was probably using a dildo

Frickle: Ew

tallnsalty: there is vomit in my mouth

Crow Baby: MY INNOCENT MIND

Slutty: DONT TAINT MY SON

Why me: When did we adopt Hinata?

Slutty: When Kuroo took Tsukki

tallnsalty: keep my name out of your whore mouth

Slutty: :O

sluttymom: Tsukki :')

tallnsalty: choke

Dadchi: There he goes

tallnsalty: wait

tallnsalty: is he fucking coming for me

Dadchi: RIP Tsukki

Frickle: RIP Tsukki

tallnsalty: fick

tolslut: lmao

smolslut: Lmao

**sluttymom has changed tallnsalty's name to _pathetic worm_.**

pathetic worm: :O

sluttymom: who wants to see a picture of Tsukki?

tolslut: meeeeeee

Slutty: MEEEEE

Why me: Yes

smolslut: Add to my files

Frickle: Yess

**sluttymom has sent a photo to the chat.**

sluthandler: I thought this was supposed to be blackmail

#1slut: :O

#1slut: he's so pretty???

2tired4this: As much as I agree with that statement

2tired4this: IT'S NOW 9 O'CLOCK ADN WE ALL HAVE SCOOL TOMOROW 

2tired4this: GO THE FUCK TK SLEPP

thunder: lmao. bro, get your mans

Dudesive: Damn Ennoshita

Dadchi: He does have a point

2tired4this: Thank you.

Dadchi: I didn't say that I was going to sleep

2tired4this: Choke.

sluttymom: thats the plan ;)

#1slut: I-

thing1: he gonna get sum dick

thing 2: why dont u romance me like that?

thing1: y'all hear sumthin?

thing 2: fuk u

Slut in training: I AM TRYING TO SLEEP

Slut in training: YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

2tired4this: THANK YOU

Crow Baby: JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

Anxiety Prime: Honestly choke

BEAST: I can't even be mad

Frickle: Did Noya take your phone, Asahi?

thunder: I'm not even near him

smolslut: Fuck yeah

tolslut: it worked

sluttymom: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ONLY INNOCENT CHILD?!

Frickle: :(

sluttymom: WHAT DID YOU DO TO ONE OF MY TWO ONLY INNOCENT CHILDREN**

Frickle: :)

smolslut: I gave him a backbone

smolslut: You're welfome

Anxiety Prime: Go. The. Fuck. To. Sleep. :)

Dadchi: He snapped

pathetic worm: are we going to die tomorrow?

Dudesive: yep

2tol: Lol

2tired4this: FUCKING SLEEP NOW

Dadchi: Damn

sluttymom: okay

#1slut: alright dman

pathetic worm: fuk

Dudesive: goodnight y'all

Slutty: talk more tomorrow!

Why me: If you survive


	2. Crushes and Planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:  
> #1slut: Oikawa  
> sluthandler: Iwaizumi  
> thing1: Matsukawa  
> thing 2: Hanamaki  
> Kill me: Yahaba  
> BEAST: Kyoutani  
> Dadchi: Daichi  
> sluttymom: Sugawara  
> Anxiety Prime: Asahi  
> thunder: Nishinoya  
> Dudesive: Tanaka  
> 2tired4this: Ennoshita  
> Slut in training: Kageyama  
> Crow Baby: Hinata  
> pathetic worm: Tsukishima  
> Frickle: Yamaguchi  
> tolslut: Kuroo  
> smolslut: Kenma  
> Mommy: Yaku  
> 2tol: Lev  
> Slutty: Bokuto  
> Why me: Akaashi

_1:39 AM_

Crow Baby: I know I should be sleping

Crow Baby: Bur I canr rn

sluthandler: Yeah, I can't either

Crow Baby: Why cant tou?

sluthandler: Had a nightmare

sluthandler: So I'm sitting in my kitchen ans eatinf oreos

Crow Baby: Oh, I'm sorry you had a nightmare

sluthandler: I'm used to it

sluthandler: Why can't you sleep?

Crow Baby: Too much on my mind

sluthandler: Wanna talk about it?

Crow Baby: Can I private message you?

sluthandler: Yeah

\---

**Crow Baby > sluthandler**

Crow Baby: Have you ever had a crush?

sluthandler: Ah, it's one of those crises

sluthandler: Yes, I currently have one

Crow Baby: Oh, so you understand

sluthandler: Yeah

sluthandler: Who do you have a crush on?

Crow Baby: Kageyama

sluthandler: Thw good news is that you could be completely upfront and blunt about it and he still wouldn't get ir

Crow Baby: But I want him to get it

sluthandler: Just kiss him and tell him that you and him are datimf

sluthandler: He'll understand that

Crow Baby: Suga said I should be romantic about it

sluthandler: Does Kageyama seem romantic to you?

Crow Baby: Mo

sluthandler: Exactly

Crow Baby: I'll give your idea a try

Crow Baby: Who do you have a crush on?

sluthandler: It's actually two people

Crow Baby: !!!

Crow Baby: WHO

sluthandler: Bokuto and Kuroo

Crow Baby: !!!

Crow Baby: Arwnt they "talking"?

sluthandler: Yeah

Crow Baby: I'm sorry :(

sluthandler: It's fime

sluthandler: Good luck with Kageyama. I'm gonna try to get more sleep

Crow Baby: Thank you! And I hope you sleep well!

sluthandler: Thanks

\---

_5:18 AM_

**Crow Baby > KarasuHOE**

**Crow Baby sent a photo to the chat.**

sluttymom: poor thing

Dadchi: Iwaizumi has a crush on Bokuto AND Kuroo?

pathetic worm: I thought he and Oikawa were a thing?

Slut in training: no

Slut in training: Oikawa and Iwaizumi are just best friends

thunder: WE GOTAA SET THEM UP!!

Dudesive: HELL YEAH

Frickle: This actually makes it easier

thunder: ???

pathetic worm: Bokuto and Kuroo are "talking", but they also want to "talk" to Iwaizumi

sluttymom: !!!

Frickle: But they think Iwaizumi likes Oikawa no matter what we tell them

Dudesive: :(

Anxiety Prime: Let's push them together in the group chat

Dadchi: What are you thinking Asahi?

Anxiety Prime: Truth or dare and paranoia in the chat

thunder: BRILLIANT

2tired4this: So lets start it after school today

Slut in training: sounds good

Crow Baby: So the ultimate goal is to force the three to confess

sluttymom: but be subtle about it

Dudesive: got or

thunder: it**

Dudesive: thanks bro

Dadchi: Alright. Lets get through school today. We can spend the weekend setting them up

Frickle: Okayyy!

\---

_5:40 AM_

**#1slut > sluthandler**

#1slut: another nightmare?

sluthandler: I'm fine

sluthandler: I managed to go back to sleep an hour after I woke up

#1slut: ...

#1slut: okay, but take it easy today

sluthandler: I'm fine, Tooru

#1slut: I know

#1slut: I just worry about you

sluthandler: I'm still processing everything, that's the only reason I'm having nightmares

sluthandler: But they aren't common anymore

#1slut: I know

#1slut: want to spend the night tonight?

sluthandler: Sure. Still have some of my clothes?

#1slut: and I bought you a new hoodie

sluthandler: I love you

#1slut: I love you too

sluthandler: I'll see you at school

#1slut: yeah!

\---

_5:49 AM_

**pathetic worm > slut shop**

pathetic worm: guess what sluts

pathetic worm: we're playing paranoia tonight after school

pathetic worm: everyone must participate

thing1: sounds chaotic

thing 2: we're in

smolslut: Kuroo will be happy

Why me: So will Bokuto

Dadchi: Glad to hear it. Now focus on your classes and have a good day!

\---

_12:16 AM_

**thing1 > slut shop**

thing1: fuck this

thing1: so boring

thing 2: wanna meet in the closet?

Kill me: Hoe don't do it

thing1: meet u there ;)

thing 2: ;)

BEAST: oh my god

#1slut: and I thought I was bad

sluthandler: No one is worse than them

sluttymom: :-)

sluthandler: Nevermind

Dadchi: Koushi, get your ass back here

Frickle: Didn't you get enough of it last night?

Dadchi: You are grounded

Frickle: :(

Anxiety Prime: Aren't you and Suga heading towards the club room right now?

Dadchi: I liked you better without the backbone

Anxiety Prime: Sucks to suck, old man

Dadchi: :O

sluttymom: ASAHI

Anxiety Prime: Weren't you in the middle of getting some dick

sluttymom: :O

pathetic worm: I like this Asahi

thunder: they frow up so fast

Crow Baby: Jesus snapped

Anxiety Prime: If Daichi, Suga and the other two sex addicts don't get back to class, I won't be the only thing snapped

Asahi: :)

thing1: fuk

thing 2: yessir

Dadchi: Shit

sluttymom: WE'RE GOING

sluthandler: Damn

2tired4this: How long do you think this will last?

Dudesive: since Kuroo and Kenma caused this?

tolslut: forever

smolslut: Until tomorrow, actually

tolslut: :(

smolslut: You'll have your regular programmed Asahi back tomorrow night

thunder: aww man

Dudesive: thank God

Anxiety Prime: ...

BEAST: say it

Anxiety Prime: Honestly choke

thunder: :O

Dudesive: :O

2tired4this: Tonight is going to be so much fun

**Author's Note:**

> This is a disaster but I'm doing it anyways. More ships and tags to be added over time.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Comment down below  
> DM me on Instagram (@_cryptid.crossing_)  
> DM me or anonymous message me on Tumblr (@cryptid-crossing)


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